Poem – The ugliest baby I have ever seen

Out on a walk the other day

Minding my business in a minding my business way,

Along strolls a mother with a tiny pram,

The contents of which was chewing on ham,

Now I’m not one to advise on child care per se,

Not since the baby kicking incident anyway

But, from a distance, it was without doubt,

The ugliest baby I’ve seen knocking about,

Its teeth were sharp, with a lolling tongue,

You see this baby was all kinds of wrong,

Its ears were pointy, Its fingers were weird,

It was kind of dribbling into its beard,

But as I got closer, still staring agog,

I sighed as I realised,

Thanks god, it’s a dog

A dog in a pram,

What’s that all about?

The dog was in when it should be out,

The dog should be walking – that’s what dogs do,

It was very confusing to think this one through,

Go for a walk dog, see you later,

Why is stuck in a perambulator?

Why does it sound like it needs an inhaler?

Why is it sat on its arse in a trailer?

What could it have done to be treated like that?

When it should be out trying to chase down a cat,

And failing because cats are extremely clever,

But not in a pram, No way never,

Not in a pram for a dog its absurd,

Tell me right now how has this occurred?

Did you go to the pet shop get lost on the way?

And end up in pram world what happened today?

Let the pup sup the dew from the grass

Feel the mud in its paws,

Lick its own jaws

It don’t want applause

It just wants to be, I mean come on

Give a dog a bone

Let it stretch its supple limbs,

Give me one of those dog howling hymns

That end with the line let me run free…

What, its old and can’t walk you say?

Fair play, carry on then

Don’t mind me

Published by G Turner

Gavin Turner is a poet and writer of short fiction. He lives in North West England. Some of his work is published here on this site and more recently in other journals and publications.

3 thoughts on “Poem – The ugliest baby I have ever seen

  1. An intriguingly dark twist to the poem, I was left wondering whether the narrator’s persisting worries about the dog in the stroller was a critical allegory to how various tabloid-obsessed people online will unlevel malicious comments onto publicised figures only to veil their sentiments under feigned concern, a sad hypocrisy which erases all accountability from the malice of their actions. I especially feel like this is true in pertinence to the ending statement in which the narrator recants their initial thoughts after realising their misjudgement, showing little remorse for their initial brazen conclusions and almost posturing as if their presumptions were completely expected.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comments that’s a really interesting perspective, people are often so confident in their own assumptions they don’t stop to think or attempt to understand a different perspective.

      Liked by 1 person

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